PRESS ARTICLES

"Hobbynobbing "

Source: Buzz

ARTICLE

“There comes a time in a man’s life when he realizes that to envy is ignorance and to imitate suicide,” said the great philosopher Emerson. However, in the case of couples imitation may not necessarily be suicidal but often suitable. Let me explain. With the increase in double income families where both partners work, time is at a premium with couples having less and less of it together. So imitating to an extent and trying to develop a liking for each other’s hobbies, interests, pastimes and leisure pursuits can well be the building bridge between many a twosome. Taking an active interest in the recreation options partners prefer can help bonding and take care of that limited commodity, time. But again the attitudes that each partner adopts while learning to engage in his companion’s pleasure would decide the take home. If you believe that you are ‘compromising’ your preferences and ‘obliging’ him/her, be assured that bitterness and resentment would follow. And the time then spent is hardly pleasurable and fun but is rather strained and forced. If you think that his/her interests are ‘below’ yours and somehow believe that yours are ‘better’, it would again result in a ‘looking down on’ – not a healthy ingredient for intimacy. R & R can be best enjoyed when neither of the partners feels victorious, (as in, “its my way”) or defeated, (“its her way”). The idea is not to be hypocritically excited about – for how long can pretenses be maintained? – but rather to seek out something rewarding from those encounters (however unappealing they may be for either!), where the situation is a win-win for both. This can be accomplished with a “we-do-this-for-each-other” attitude, so that we can increase the hours of togetherness rather than an “I’m-doing-this-for-him/her”. The more the partners can take a “for-us” approach the easier it becomes to accommodate each other’s inclinations and likings. Of course, the assumption here is that both partners primarily have the same goal – making the most of the time available and each other’s company. Retaining individual interests and preferences at the same time is equally healthy and desirable. “Where two become one” is a super-romantic concept, and can often be stifling and off-putting. Retaining individuality and yet relating intimately to another can happen with flexibility. Where each weaves in and out of another’s preferred option on specific occasions.

• Develop a genuine interest for your partner’s likes and preferences. This can be accomplished with an attitude of “I-do-this-for-us.”
• Look for something rewarding in the activity. This can happen only when the feeling isn’t that you “won” or I “lost”. 
• When the situation is a win-win for both, maximum output of time and company results.
• “Compromise” isn’t a bad word and none a loser when the goal is to increase time in intimacy and bonding.