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"Sibling Rivalry - A psychologists perspective "

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And the three brothers lived happily ever after . . . yes, why not? For not all siblings, rival! Just because brothers/sisters comprise a household it doesn’t necessitate the presence of jealousy, strife, or discord. Many siblings have little enmity between them, are not looking to outdo each other and are not at loggerheads. Sibling rivalry many a time is a creation of society. Of course exception to every rule exists – and sibling rivalry often exists – though not as a rule!

And when it exists, unintentionally and unknowingly parents themselves often contribute to, and aid rivalry. By displaying their favoritism openly and frequently. “Oh how do you say that?” I often hear, “We love our children equally!” We cannot, I assert. Because to do so we’d have to be perfect people. And imperfection is the human condition! A part of our imperfection is our inability to love equally – even our own blood. Hard to stomach but true. Having softer corners, preferring one to the other, taking up for one much more as compared to the other, etc., is being human. The solution? Bend backwards if you have to, to not display your favoritism so blatantly and openly. Realize that each child is only one of a kind – an individual who is his/her own unique person. Incomparable, matchless, distinctive! Comparing is being unfair to both. And pitting them against each other, believing that that’s the best way both will flourish, is like believing that an eye for an eye philosophy is the best way to get along with people! Children because they are children, do not have the emotional maturity or sensibility to question their ‘well intentioned’ parents setting them up for ‘friendly competition’, grow up with unnecessary hostility for each other. For competition is never friendly, least of all within the family!

• If you believe that you’ve been the unfavoured one, see that as an imperfection and as a human condition of your parents. Do not personalize their disfavor. It has nothing to do with ‘you’ but everything to do with their fallibility.
• When a parent, see that you bend backwards and not display your blatant preference for one as against your other child/children.
• Comparing children is disrespecting their uniqueness. Nature breaks her mould at every birth. Each child is only one of a kind. There will never be another quite like him/her!
• Not all children experience rivalry. Do not look for something that isn’t there, just because society thinks it exists.

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